Tribe.net. Local Connections Michy http://homeschool.tribe.net/thread/d31043fc-42d3-486f-95eb-d0c675aba682#50632540-7513-4e1e-ba74-67413b024517 2007-05-13T01:21:00Z 2007-05-13T01:21:00Z

Here is a link to an article I wrote for Homeschool of California.on Socialization. http://www.hsc.org/professionals/socialization.php also.. check out the hsc site.. wonderful conference this August in Sacramento. Michelle

Michy 2007-05-13T01:21:00Z Katie http://homeschool.tribe.net/thread/d31043fc-42d3-486f-95eb-d0c675aba682#f7175cc8-f44b-4791-802f-27ddd740d374 2007-02-18T04:30:57Z 2007-02-18T04:30:57Z

I agree, if you choose to home school your kids outside activities where they can be involved with other children is very important so that they develop social behaviors. I personally do not home school but my 3 step sons are home schooled by their mother. She basically treats them as shut ins, they do absolutely nothing outside of their apartment. She goes out on the weekends but the kids leave the apartment maybe twice a month except when they come to see us. When they are with us I can see a huge difference in social behaviors between the kids that live in our home that go to public school and participate in many activities and the boys that are home schooled. They simply have NO social skills at all. They have no friends because when the do get around other kids two of them get very shy and the oldest simply does things that annoy the other kids to death simply for attention. They do not behave properly in public. The kids in our house say yes sir and yes maam, please, thank you, the whole nine yards, the other boys will sit on a table, pick their nose in public, scratch themselves, talk loudly in restaurants, they are plain rude. They also do not know how to treat other kids or participate in an organized activity. They are allowed to do what ever they want at home so they think that they can do that all the time. They are now at the point that they dont want to try new things so not only are they rude but they are physically unhealthy. I do not blame them, I blame their mother. We try to work on them when they are with us but they are only here for 8 to 10 days at a time every couple of months. PLEASE keep your home schooled children socialized and let them have the opportunities they want and deserve. I respect each and every parent who is able to home school their children succesfully and still provide them with outside stimulation, I aplaud you all.

Katie 2007-02-18T04:30:57Z Kisaya Rayne http://homeschool.tribe.net/thread/d31043fc-42d3-486f-95eb-d0c675aba682#e70eca8c-8577-429b-989b-430c8eeabb2b 2006-11-08T20:29:28Z 2006-11-08T20:29:28Z

Discipline, you say? What is this talk of discipline? I know not what it means! You're right on that too many parents, homeschool or otherwise aren't as up on discipline as they should be. Some parents would rather just talk to their kids when they're being bad and use this annoyingly sweet voice that tells their children nothing. All I can think of is a friend of mine being on the phone with one of her clients and hearing a noise in the background followed by "Now Jonny, put down the chainsaw. You know we don't use the chainsaw in the house." in this sickeningly sweet tone. "Jonny, don't play with the chainsaw near the couch. You know Mommy doesn't like that. Now, Jonny, you know better than that." When my friend asked how old Jonny was she replied, "Oh, he's six." My friend immediately followed with "A six year old isn't big enough to really control a chainsaw! Why are you letting him play with it? And moreover, how did he get ahold of it without you knowing?" The mother replies with "Well, Jonny knows the rules of chainsaws. He's been using it for quite a while now. We trust his ability to use grown-up things." My friend just snapped into the phone, "Well, obviously not. He's not following the rules now, just hang off the phone and get the chainsaw away from him. I'm coming right over." Now, while I can understand letting a child use a chainsaw regardless of age, there are rules that had to be met. Even if Jonny could handle the chainsaw and was an absolute professional at six, if the rules are that he can't have it in the house, nevermind be coming after the couch with it, and he disobeys, he needs something more than the sweet little, "Now you know Mommy doesn't like that." He needs to know that what he's doing is dangerous and could not only damage household posessions but could hurt or kill someone if he's not smart! I'm sorry, but children need more than that when they're doing something dangerous. Now that's not aimed at a homeschool family at all. Actually, I believe that family had sent their son to private school that year. I do, however, think it's more important that home schooling families keep a sense of discipline with their children, whether it's time-outs, or discussion of rules, or whatever, so that they learn to respect themselves and those around them. At school, there is at least a little taught about discipline. if you're bad you're made to sit in the corner, the time out chair, out in the hall, or are sent to the principal's office. If parents slack off and don't teach their kids a lick or discipline them in the least for dangerous or blatently disrespectful behaviour, they'll at least have a basis from school, even if it's not a good one. With home schooled parents, again, everything relies on the parents, but in a way, I think parents who home school, or who have been considering home schooling are innately more aware of disciplining their children. If nothing else, being made to appologize and find a way to repair the damage is a lot better than the parents who do nothing at all. Sorry, this just reminded me of the story my friend told me, and the number of people I've nannied for that expect that when I'm done for the day, they don't have to discipline their child, after all, it's my job to teach them right and wrong. At leaast, that's what they seemed to think. It's infuriating.

Kisaya Rayne 2006-11-08T20:29:28Z Shantastic! http://homeschool.tribe.net/thread/d31043fc-42d3-486f-95eb-d0c675aba682#de0350b0-0efd-4481-ad85-b71079ed5957 2006-11-08T20:10:46Z 2006-11-08T20:06:27Z

I completely agree with both of you, but want to add one thing. We have always talked to them as adults, not children. No baby talk in baby voices. No whining- if you need something, voice it! And this has included vocabulary as well, which will usually lead to a "What does that mean?" question, which is great, especially when you catch them using that word in a later conversation. We have had the girls in many adult situations, often as the only children there because the other parents were too chicken to bring theirs! We have received compliments from strangers on how well-behaved they were in a restaurant (while in the 3-8 age range, both older now), and compliments from friends who are amazed when they participate in the conversation. Didn't mean to get on any high horse here, but I would also like to point out that we had only one year of home schooling (last year, which was a blast, but they wanted to go back to school- ok because we move from Los Angeles to a small town with a small, tight school district). I knew years ago that what they would learn in school (all the "extra" stuff, not the curriculum) would not be the things I wanted them to learn first, so I would have to make sure they understood certain things the way I wanted them to, and so far it has made dealing with all the crap they are exposed to much easier. I also firmly believe that if you don't stay on top of discipline and learning early on, you will have much more trouble in the teenage years. (Ok, that was two things.) ;)

Shantastic! 2006-11-08T20:06:27Z Sage http://homeschool.tribe.net/thread/d31043fc-42d3-486f-95eb-d0c675aba682#16d5177f-9c85-4487-9c96-5ad32841db43 2006-11-04T00:31:10Z 2006-11-04T00:31:10Z

Once again, well stated. When my kids spend time with me outside of school, I want it to be as mommy and not teacher because I do spend so much time during the week in that capacity. My husband and I will also try and plan activities on the weekend with our kids, especially if we are planning on going out on a Saturday evening. We don't want them to think that we get to go and play but they have to be stuck at home. We want them to know that they are part of our life, that our family is important, and that doing things as a family is necessary. I do wonder sometimes why some people bothered to have kids in the first place. I can think of quite a few people I have known.

Sage 2006-11-04T00:31:10Z Kisaya Rayne http://homeschool.tribe.net/thread/d31043fc-42d3-486f-95eb-d0c675aba682#a5910b71-04a1-40c9-a7a3-550fa5327389 2006-11-03T17:36:30Z 2006-11-03T17:36:30Z

One thing I've noticed with one of the people I nannied for is that she expected her son to learn EVERYTHING at school. She didn't become an active part of his life at all. I've noticed a lot of parents just expect their children to go play and not bother them, therefore they never learn how to interact with adults, and don't learn any sense of manners from their parents. It's hard for kids who have to figure it out on their own. I was lucky. I took an etiquette course when I was in Girl Scouts and I really started to take a lot of that to heart. As much as I was a tom-boy, I wanted to be elegant and lady-like. All my friends' parents loved me because I was polite and well spoken. I hope my child learns the same sort of behaviour. I think with home school kids, there's going to be equally as much problem with social situations if the parents aren't careful about exposing their children to kids their own age, but there's a much higher instance of kids being exposed to adults being adults. It definately allows for home school kids to develop a set of manners that other kids won't get unless their parents are really concious of it. With home school kids, I think a lot of that is because they are around all the time. With kids who go to regular schools, the trend is getting more and more common for kids to be at school starting at 7:30-8 and then be thrust into an after school program so they only see their parents from 6pm to bed time. That's not a lot of time for these kids to be exposed to their parents. Yes, there are weekends, but two days a week isn't always enough, especially if the parents hire a babysitter for one or two nights a week so they can have some time to themselves. Unfortunately, the trend of having two parents working is becoming more and more of a necessity for families. That means children will be spending less and less time at home and have less time to observe, learn, and imitate what their parents do. It's really tragic, but schools, after-school programs, and day cares really are becoming responsible for raising too many children today. I think home schooled kids have a huge advantage on that front. They've got more time to learn from their home life than any other traditionally schooled child out there.

Kisaya Rayne 2006-11-03T17:36:30Z Sage http://homeschool.tribe.net/thread/d31043fc-42d3-486f-95eb-d0c675aba682#b9a42548-750b-4a57-81a1-f9862cca6349 2006-11-02T20:57:42Z 2006-11-02T20:57:42Z

You hit the nail on the head. I think it is absolutely about how the child observes the parent socializing with others. They observe, learn, and imitate. I know from my own experience, when I hear my daughter scolding my son, she sounds like me (and then I cringe). Learning begins in the home, regardless of whether you are providing a primary education or basic socialization skills. Another thing I have noticed with some of the children my kids hang out with is that the ones that don't have very good "people skills" have parents who don't have very good "people skills." My son in particular has a friend who, at 10 years of age, has the worst telephone manners. I think that is due in part to the fact that the father is terribly rude and ill-mannered on the phone, and no one has taken the time to teach the son proper telephone etiquette. When my children call over to a friends house they always announce who they are and say, "May I please speak to..." Manners, socialization skills, compassion, empathy, respect - These are all things that must be taught at home and not left up to the school or a child's peer to instill in them. I think home school parents may have a better understanding of this because we are providing the child with everything.

Sage 2006-11-02T20:57:42Z Kisaya Rayne http://homeschool.tribe.net/thread/d31043fc-42d3-486f-95eb-d0c675aba682#fda20316-1415-471c-b17e-e46eb683ba45 2006-11-02T18:28:10Z 2006-11-02T18:28:10Z

There are anti-social kids everywhere. I think schools can create that just as well as the parents, especially with kids who are two smart or don't appear to be smart enough. It's a game of trying to become average. One thing I've noticed with my daughter, though she's not home schooling yet, is her manners. She's only 3.5, but she always says "please", "thank you", "no, thank you" and "you're welcome". Other parents ask me how I got her to do it, when in reality, I think she got it from me and her dad. She's dealt a lot with adults. She's been in a lot of situations where there's been no other kids around to play with, but a lot of adults. She hears a lot of these phrases in polite adult conversation. I think that too many kids are thrown in day care or other situations where they ONLY get to socialize with other kids and their parents. Not many kids are allowed to sit in on adult conversations or go to primarily adult only parties and events. There are a lot of events that are only adults that kids CAN go to and see adults being adults and how to interact with other adults. I've found that's taught Corde a lot of how adults and children are treated differently, and it's done a lot of good for her. I think in reality, kids need more socialization than just other kids. They need to see the way that people really interact with eachother. So much emphasis is put on how kids deal with eachother. It seems funny to me that there's no emphasis put on how much kids get exposed to socialization with adults who are acting like adults and not just really big kids.

Kisaya Rayne 2006-11-02T18:28:10Z Sage http://homeschool.tribe.net/thread/d31043fc-42d3-486f-95eb-d0c675aba682#9a160e79-458a-484b-9929-6f0681c3aa47 2006-11-01T22:13:37Z 2006-11-01T22:13:37Z

I am currently in the fifth year of homeschooling my two children. Both of them do extremely well in situations with other children, but we have provided outside activities for them that often include other children. My daughter has done ballet, my son takes karate three days a week, both have friends with whom we meet regularly for play dates, and both are involved in a theater workshop for children that meets every Saturday. In addition to these social outlets, we have also started taking classes through our charter school with other students two days a week. They had no problem making new friends, and none of the other kids there seemed to have a problem socializing, either. One thing that I do notice about my children is that they know how to deal and speak very well with adults. They are always being complemented on how articulate and intelligent they both are. I don't know if this has anything to do with home schooling, but I'd like to think that it does. After all, they aren't going to be children forever and will need to learn the skills for dealing with adults, as well as children. I think the opinion of this mother on the other tribe is an unfair generalization. How do you explain all the anti-social kids who attend public and private schools? It's a very weak argument on her part.

Sage 2006-11-01T22:13:37Z Lynn Gweenie http://homeschool.tribe.net/thread/d31043fc-42d3-486f-95eb-d0c675aba682#1bd1b5d4-94ad-4588-9e0f-55460af7985e 2006-10-26T01:54:21Z 2006-10-26T01:54:21Z

We have a group of Home schooling mothers and kids that meet at the park or somwhere so the kids can get together a couple of times a week to play. Our family also belongs to the YMCA homeschooling program.

Lynn Gweenie 2006-10-26T01:54:21Z Kisaya Rayne http://homeschool.tribe.net/thread/d31043fc-42d3-486f-95eb-d0c675aba682#775588a9-7baa-48a7-825e-c547385a3800 2006-10-25T17:45:55Z 2006-10-25T17:45:55Z

Okay, this tribe's been kinda quite, so maybe I can get something going here. I heard a mother's opinion on another tribe that home schooled kids are always easy to identify because they're not well socialized and don't know how to deal with other children all that well. I'd like to hear some opinions on this, as well as what you all do to socialize your child.

Kisaya Rayne 2006-10-25T17:45:55Z